Too Many Words...

I love coffee, this will probably not be the last you ever hear on this subject. This is the last of my old gems, about a year old. Time to get writing again.

Any one of you that knows me to any slight degree knows that I am a fan of my coffee. Even those that don't know me all that well would probably attest to something like the following: "there was this guy at the bus stop that totally stepped on my foot and didn't even say sorry. Then he took a sip of his Timmy's and like totally gave me his kidney. True story."

When moving to Korea some people thought I was crying myself to sleep because of culture shock. When the truth it was because I knew that the best thing I would wake up to the next day was some watery instant coffee. That and I'm fairly certain there were monsters under my bed. Now that I have some good coffee beans (shipped to me by a girlfriend that knows my priorities) I am back in my old debate of how much coffee to have.

Now there have been several studies recently (I'd link to them, but you would learn so much more by finding them yourselves) that have said that coffee can actually have a positive effect on the body. Relatively high in antioxidants and good at preventing Alzheimer's.

Now there are two problems with these studies. One is that of perspective. Much like the recent reports on chocolates' benefits (once again find it your own damn self) were surely written by fatties that want to justify their dirty habits, I am sure that people that write dry scientific reports about coffee finish it sometime after their third pot. Unless I am wrong and they were impartial No Doze users, in which case I apologize and challenge them to a game of Operation.

The second problem with the studies is that they have the scientific arrogance to place upper limits on coffee consumption based on 'evidence' of all things. More than four cups a day and suddenly its no longer healthy, like my heart vibrating out of my chest isn't something I could handle. And I haven't told you the worst part yet. But now I will: They actually somehow got the notion somewhere that 250ml is a cup. I'm starting to think that they aren't coffee drinkers b/c that would never fly in any coffee shop I've ever been to- except maybe back in the face of the barrista that served it. That's a tease more than anything. A coffee cup is the biggest thing I can put java into that isn't designed to display flowers. That's not a direct quote from Webster but I can be damn sure its close.

Does anyone else feel like an android when they say they drink 'Java'?

Now in the past there was one frightening Lent where I gave up coffee. But somehow I don't think that the true meaning of Lent is to be as mean to your fellow man as possible (that's not the Easter Bunny's style) so that never repeated itself. Many will tell me that moderation is the key. Well evidently you are mistaking me for someone with more willpower than a heroin addict on Remembrance Day, in which case you are wrong.

I'll currently stick to my minimum of two cups (my definition, my coffee pot has it marked as six. But what does it know? Its inanimate) maximum five cups and try to work through the withdrawal of such a low dose with regular hits of green tea (my own private methadone). I don't put any cream or sugar in there so I'll put it ahead of cigarettes but behind owning a juicer on the healthiness scale of personal habits, and just think of all the good I am doing my fellow man by being not a java-jonsing jerk. Except for the indentured Columbian coffee growers, whose sacrifices keep this android plugging away everyday.